sometimes i think i’m sassy and then i realize i’m just too sarcastic and borderline mean
9 hours of studying and I can’t remember my own name but I can remember how to kill a man using a toothbrush so there’s that
the hell kind of classes are you taking?
I’m a forensic criminologist our slogan is “can’t run fast enough to be a serial killer so I’ll just help the police catch them”
THERE IS SO MUCHGOOD FANFICTION IN THIS WORLD
SO GOD DAMN MUCH
SO MANY FICS THAT I WOULD CUT OFF MY LEFT ARM TO SEE PLAYED OUT
AND PEOPLE CHOOSES FIFTY SHADES OF GREY
What’s your superhero name?
It is I, The Functional Alcoholic.
the human corpse on life support
what the fuck thats not cool
human victim of capitalism
the kickass forgotten junkie sissy boy
extremely accurate tbh
They call me the victim of capitalism
It is I, the Cold Hot Dog
DUCKS DO IT TOO
good news, everyone.
oh man. one time i was out with a group of friends, it was around 3 in the morning and we’d all just spilled out of this nightclub, all completely smashed, when one guy goes “OI DID YOU SEE THAT? THAT LIGHT JUST THEN??” and this fUCKING LASER DOT ZOOMS PAST US ON THE GROUND AND WE’RE ALL LIKE YOOOOO DAFUQ IS DIS??? I SWEAR TO GOD WE SPENT NEARLY TEN MINUTES CHASING THIS FUCKING THING AROUND THE STREET BEFORE WE FIGURED OUT THERE WAS SOME ASSHOLE LIKE 10 STORIES UP IN THE APARTMENT BEHIND US PISSING HIMSELF.
so yeah. cats, ducks and drunk college students. fucking idiots the lot of them.